Love & Belonging

I share the following words from Brene Brown, not because I've mastered the concepts, but because I desperately need to learn them.  Because of her work I finally have an understanding of where I've gone wrong or where my difficulties in connection and belonging lie.  I have suffered through feelings of shame and unworthiness most of my life.  Anytime I make a mistake I feel a sense of shame and have little resilience from those feelings because I had decided a long time ago that I am unworthy.  I decided that I was unworthy of joy, abundance, recognition, and love because it was a safer place.  I couldn't get hurt if I didn't allow those things to happen to me.  Unfortunately, that has kept me from the very things I want out of life.  I also blamed my parents and religion for these feelings of unworthiness.  Had my mother not abandoned me or my father been kinder to me or lived a better life I might not have these feelings.  Well, possibly, but there comes a time in life where we have to take responsibility and rise above blame.  Only I can decide I am worthy and take action to support that.  And religion, well it teaches we are sinners, we are small and powerless, but with God's love and mercy we are saved.  Certainly we need to connect with the divine, but the dogma of religion is not place to cultivate worthiness.  So slowly, slowly I am beginning to realize I am in fact worth and slowly I am beginning to love all the parts of me, even the wounds.  But it's hard to undo 38 years of poor programming.  My intention is to do just that.  Here is what Brene Brown says about love and belonging.

"Love:
We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connectiuon that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them--we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows.  Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare.

Belonging:
Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us.  Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it.  Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance."